Do you ever have days when you find yourself railing against things that Just Don’t Feel Fair? —where it feels like the universe is conspiring in a Job-like way to keep you from doing what you want to do? How can you follow your passion when you hit the roadblocks, the nay-sayers or the voices of self-doubt that appear to drag you down? In fact, is all that appears to be bad really bad?
In an earlier blog, I spoke about The Law of Attraction and how, for me, the most interesting work is to hold the stance of accepting, even welcoming, all that happens as food for spiritual/personal growth and development.
I want to be very clear that when I say to accept what’s going on, I don’t mean submit or “there’s nothing you can do to change things so just buck up and deal with it.” For many people the idea of acceptance is so connected to submitting or enduring that they believe the choice to “accept” would result in even fewer choices than they already have.
But I mean something very different.
I’m talking about avoiding a pitfall, the trap of keeping your focus on what should be and so losing sight of opportunities embedded in what is. Focusing on “what is,” rather than on something more “ideal,” makes you better able to make clear choices about how you want to relate to a situation rather than getting stuck in a self-defeating, powerless state of “it is not supposed to be that way” or “it’s just not fair.”
When have you seen an undesired situation transform from a challenge into something that ended up being a gift?
Vicki Dello Joio, founder of The Way of Joy: A Spiritual Fitness Program, is a teacher, speaker and performing artist. Integrating over 40 years of Chi Kung practice with other martial arts as well as her work in Yoga, Feldenkreis, physical fitness and theater, Vicki has developed a dynamic set of tools to increase awareness, transform obstacles into opportunities and enhance creative potential. Book: The Way of Joy: An Evolutionary Process to Awaken Inspiration, Focus Intention and Manifest Fulfillment, CD: Short Meditations for a Busy Life.
There is a popular saying I often hear circulating among people who are part of the movement to create a new improved paradigm for living and healing that says “you create your own reality”. For me, a far more interesting question to ask is how do you respond to whatever is happening? I don’t believe that there is some magical formula here.
Rather than asserting you can totally create your own reality, I prefer to say that you can choose how to respond to your reality, which consequently affects your reality. How you choose to respond to any given situation colors your perspective. This in turn influences how you experience your reality. Then, because your subjective experience is different, you can also say that your reality is different. So, depending on the nature of your response, you have changed your reality.
For me, the bottom line question is not whether or not we create our own reality, but what we do when things “out of our control” happen—that is, how we receive and respond to whatever occurs.
When something happens in your life and you transform it into a means for growth—even with particularly painful situations like the death of a loved one, undergoing a chronic illness, a business failure and so on—rather than trying to evaluate whether you have done a good or poor job of “attracting” it—it seems to me the real work is how to hold the stance of accepting, even welcoming, all that happens as food for spiritual/personal growth and development.
I am not saying I think we should rejoice when we feel pain and suffering. However, I am suggesting that when you allow the present moment, whatever it is, to somehow become a contribution to your life, it becomes possible to experience even the greatest pain in a way that doesn’t feel oppressive or make you feel like a victim. By keeping the channels open, you can discover how you might use those obstacles either for information or redirection of your qi.
Vicki Dello Joio, founder of The Way of Joy: A Spiritual Fitness program, is a teacher, speaker and performing artist. Integrating over 40 years of Chi Kung practice with other martial arts as well as her work in Yoga, Feldenkreis, physical fitness and theater, Vicki has developed a dynamic set of tools to increase awareness, transform obstacles into opportunities and enhance creative potential. Book: The Way of Joy: An Evolutionary Process to Awaken Inspiration, Focus Intention and Manifest Fulfillment, CD: Short Meditations for a Busy Life.
I’ve enjoyed following a discussion on-line lately about the meaning of mastery, whether in the context of martial arts or, more broadly, becoming an expert or master in any field. From the point of view of qigong, ever since early Taoists first went on a quest to discover the secrets of longevity, many practitioners have demonstrated that, when humans harness and develop their energy, or qi, anything can happen, whether in health, business, relationships, or communities. The unexpected and boundless abilities of qi masters can inspire us, wake us up to vast possibilities, our own unlimited potential and infinite power.
At the same time, I’ve seen too many situations where power was used to abuse and control people, to drain rather than share life force. At some point, I recognized that simply developing my own qi‑—how and where I direct my attention and energy —was no longer sufficient. I needed redefine for myself the elements of true “mastery,” regardless of what trade, and include not just what a master is able to do, but how he or she can be, using their skills.
For me, one of the most thrilling products of qi cultivation is discipline—what poet Monza Naff describes as becoming a “disciple of self.” This shifts the expression of power from adversarial to integrative, from “power over” to “power within.” When we desire “power over,” we are motivated by fear or the attempt to conquer fear. When we cultivate “power within,” we are inspired by Love, a joyful embrace of our wholeness.
Mastering how you focus your energy not only reinforces you, it causes an energetic ripple that resonates both inside of you and in the world around you. Then, as people in the Law of Attraction say, you begin to draw to you the people, places and things that help you grow.
Vicki Dello Joio, founder of The Way of Joy: A Spiritual Fitness program, is a teacher, speaker and performing artist. Integrating over 40 years of Chi Kung practice with other martial arts as well as her work in Yoga, Feldenkreis, physical fitness and theater, Vicki has developed a dynamic set of tools to increase awareness, transform obstacles into opportunities and enhance creative potential. Book: The Way of Joy: An Evolutionary Process to Awaken Inspiration, Focus Intention and Manifest Fulfillment, CD: Short Meditations for a Busy Life.
Despite encountering many of the mind power techniques out there in the market of self help and inner growth, I admit freely that there are still times I come face to face with my own anxiety, self-doubts, or inner resistance. To be blatantly honest. my first instinct is to open the refrigerator or look on-line for something (preferably shallow) to distract myself from painful feelings. Or maybe I’ll pop in a dvd or watch an online streaming movie to focus on other people’s problems for a change.
These are times I seem to forget how much I love qigong, meditation, stretching, hiking in Nature and other activities that pivot me from inertia to a zest for life. While I was writing my book, The Way of Joy, I realized that, in part, I was creating a manual I could go to when I felt stuck. I wanted a reminder of how to access some of those tried and true, “kitchen-tested” tools that really workto shift me out of an outlook and/or activity that actually drains my energy. One of my favorite themes in my work is I call the uses and misuses of resistance.
In other words how can we Drop Dread and Flow Instead?
What images or memories help you to shift out of feeling stuck or resistant? I’d love to know so comment below!
Vicki Dello Joio, founder of The Way of Joy: A Spiritual Fitness program, is a teacher, speaker and performing artist. Integrating over 40 years of Chi Kung practice with other martial arts as well as her work in Yoga, Feldenkreis, physical fitness and theater, Vicki has developed a dynamic set of tools to increase awareness, transform obstacles into opportunities and enhance creative potential. Book: The Way of Joy: An Evolutionary Process to Awaken Inspiration, Focus Intention and Manifest Fulfillment, CD: Short Meditations for a Busy Life.
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