Letting Go of Power Struggle with Vicki Dello Joio

Posted on January 20, 2013 by Vicki Dello Joio

What do you do when you are in a conversation with someone and realize, to your dismay, your communication is breaking down and you’ve lost your point of connection? It can be incredibly frustrating and many people either amp up their position and become blaming or argumentative, while others might finally give up — just walk away and “lose heart.”

It is so tempting to enter a blame game, think the other person is obstinate, irritating or just plain stupid. Or you might turn the frustration and blame on yourself, question your own wisdom, clarity or reasons. Either way, the result is a “disconnect” that, over time, can become self-perpetuating.

In a recent blog, A Model for Compassionate Power, Sharon Strand Ellison speaks with eloquence on breaking the habits of self-defeating anger at the same time you increase your internal sense of power. Combined with embodied qi practice, I find this approach a powerful exit out of the revolving door of power struggle.

The following short qigong practice “transforms knee-jerk reactions into heart-felt response by distilling information as it comes to you. This creates an energetic netting that “separates the wheat from the chaff,” so that you pay attention to what is useful, while allowing that which is not useful to be filtered out of your consciousness.” (excerpt) Way of Joy


For more information about Powerful Non-Defensive Communication

Bay Area Peeps: Mark your calendar for 4-part LIVE class series beginning March 3. And it’s not too late to join the Sustain the Flame video teaching and tele-series to make those recent New Year’s resolutions STICK. Let’s go for it together and make 2013 unlike any other!

Vicki Dello Joio, founder of The Way of Joy: A Spiritual Fitness Program, is a teacher, speaker and performing artist. Integrating over 40 years of Chi Kung practice with other martial arts as well as her work in Yoga, Feldenkreis, physical fitness and theater, Vicki has developed a dynamic set of tools to increase awareness, transform obstacles into opportunities and enhance creative potential. Book: The Way of Joy, CD: Short Meditations for a Busy Life.

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  • Cathy Winsor

    Dearest Vicki…What a great topic. I will use your exercise from now on. But I think it’s most important just to relax enough to really HEAR & LISTEN to the person you are trying to communicate with. When I stop talking long enough to really hear my partner, our communication is perfect. Just listen with an open mind, without judgement, and you will really hear what the other person has to say. Whether you agree or not, you’ve at least given the benefit of the doubt by truly hearing what she has to say!

    • http://www.vickidellojoio.com Vicki Dello Joio

      I agree, Cathy. And when you listen with curiosity, it’s incredible what you can learn, even when you think you know the other person super well

  • Anon

    Thank You Vicki: Sometimes I wake up with an idea that i want to write, and lie in bed, musing about what i want to say and how i want to say it, sometimes finding it hard to break off and get up and do the morning things that one does. Later in the day, when i go to write the morning musings, i have either forgotten how i wanted to say them (so it comes out sounding clumsy) 0r they come pouring out in a rush, without having to give them any further thought. Those are the best things i have written, and they most express what i really want to say! Your lovely story has helped me to understand this process a bit more.

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